"The way we see ourselves limits who we can be;
step outside the box and we might learn something."
step outside the box and we might learn something."
I think the problem is that fear often keeps us inside that box:
- Fear of disappointing someone
- Fear of disappointing ourselves
- Fear of failure or success
- Fear of expectations
- Fear of no liking what we find...
I guess that what we need to look at is who we are inside the box:
- Are we happy?
- Do we like who we are?
- Do we act for ourselves or someone else?
- Are we authentic?
With BPD...we not only live in a box; we often live in many. We fit nicely into the compartments that we think will keep us safe from rejections or abandonment. The hardest part about leaving the box is trying to figure out if we are in fact being true to who we are. Are we still defining who we are based on other people's expectations: living up to them or purposely trying to avoid them?
I'm on that journey and have been for a while, as many of you know. I think a lot of people are...people with or without mental illness. I am currently reading a book called, The Dance of Deception by Dr. Lerner. Truths and lies...where is the line and what role do they play in relationships. When, if ever, is it okay to talk your way out of things with little white lies or crazy justifications?
Truth is such an interesting word. Truths are so different to different people and even within ourselves. So much depends on circumstance, emotions and memory. Yet, the perceived honesty is often misguided. What are we trying to gain in telling the truth? What foundation is in place? Where is the other person sitting in the relationship?
How we define ourselves and become authentic will always depend on our interactions with others., so why then is it so much easier to show the false and hide the real?
Think about this (someone told it to me recently at a conference. It is what a friend of hers responded to when someone told her how much she was admired by another woman):
Your internal self likes the external me.
How do we move beyound that and safely show the internal me or do we even need to?
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5 comments:
I like your blog. I also have BPD and can relate to a lot of what you're saying. You have a lot of good thoughts on self-revelation, and I don't have any easy answers. I know that for me, I need to work on knowing what's going on with my internal self before I can think about revealing it, which I do causiously and only in certain contexts. We all have different struggles with this disorder, though, but that's where I am right now.
I like your blog as well it has me think of alot of simularities with my disorder and with bipolar itself. it also makes me think of what i need to work on. for me that would be getting rid of "Evil Personality".So progress but worth it.
if you exercise at home install a light therapy lamp infront of your apparatus, the result can only be better.
I am also new to your blog, but like it as well.
I did a post today on my struggles with BPD and you should check it out at It's Time To Get Over How Fragile You Are.
I think in order for our inner selves to love the external self, we need to figure out who we are, just like you said. Other's though (myself included) are held with an external locus of self control, therefore, we value ourselves how others see us and value us. It sucks and it's been my personal biggest obstacle since realizing I lead this life. I look forward to reading more of your blog posts.
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