Mental Illness and Motherhood

Wow, what a show it was on Dr. Phil today: Mental Illness and Motherhood I sat and watched it in complete bewilderment. How dare Shelly steal Amy and Scott Kehoe's twins. Who is she to decide whether they are fit parents? I think it is absolutely absurd to base someone’s abilities to mother a child solely on their mental status. It is discrimination and purely indicative of society’s view toward Mental Illness.

At the end of the show though, it was apparent that it is not actually about Amy's ability to be a mother, it is about Shelley's inability to let the twins go. Dr. Phil offered to help provide neutral parties to review all the living situations, background information and health information, but even then Shelly refused. Shelly, you are the unfit mother. What message is it that you are sending to your children? You are willing to judge others based on health issues and past mistakes. You are willing to walk around with blinders on and judge people. Who gave you that power? I have two children. I understand the connection that is made during the nine months of pregnancy, the bond that forges. I can't even imagine saying goodbye to the babies after that; however, Shelly went into the pregnancy knowing then end result and after having done it before. The difference this time, she may never see the babies again. The last two times she'd agreed to carry babies was for a friend; I'm guessing a friend who is still in her life.

I worry more about the children. I wonder what kind of impact this will have on their growth. There is currently publicity behind the issue. I have no doubt that this will emerge as when the children are older. I can't even imagine the confusion and pain it will cause. I also wonder what it will be like to miss out on the biological bond that exists between a mother and a child - yes Shelly, biological. You are no more than an incubator. I was appault when you you said "what a hoot" at one point when someone pointed out that the twins aren't biologically yours - this isn't a game. These are people's lives that you're playing with. Over and over you mentioned that they weren't puppies or kittens...but you neglect to mention that they are children. They have bonded with your family, very true, but what about their family. Children are extremely reseleant. They are young enough that they will adapt and have no problems bonding with their parents.

I worry about the future of the twins for another reason. I wonder what the surrogate parents will tell these children when their DNA is different. Are they not afraid that this (imperfection) will not be passed on to these children? Shelly, what happens if one of them, or both of them, suffer from some type of mental illness? Are you able to handle that? You have already shown your ignorance in regards to the issue and made your judgement about mental illness. How will you love and support the child?

You also neglect to look beyond Amy. Did you look at the support systems in place? Have you never been stressed or needed help?

Mental illness is beging given as the excuse, but it is not the true reason. Shelley and Paul’s decision to keep these children is in no way based on Amy’s mental state- either past or present. This was made strikingly obvious to me when she stated that there would be no way, under any circumstances, that she would return those children to their rightful parents. The issue that we should be looking at is a broken law - a law that has created a loop for legal kidnapping.

If the issue was based on Mental Illness, Shelly and Paul would allow the professionals to step in. They would give Amy and Scott a chance to raise the children. We don't know what tomorrow holds, but we sometimes have to take a leap of faith today. Amy has a difficult past - with criminal activities, but the key is the past. Any individual healthy, unhealthy, stable or unstable can take a wrong turn. Who are we to judge that?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, In life we must
"allow ourselves the mistakes we know we'll make and forgive ourselves for those we think we won't."

Mental Ilnness should not be a reason to stop someone from being a loving parent. My children have learnt empathy and emotion understanding beyond their years. They will tell you that I am I wonderful mother. I spend more time with my boys than many other parents I know. If anything, I overcompensate and "love" too much. For every down period, I have more up time. The key in our house, is the strong support system and the continual education around my health and the open communication.

I don't know who is right or wrong here. I am in no more of a position to make judgment than the next person. I can sit here and say what I would do, but I'm not Shelly. However, having grown up without my biological parents (in a very loving home), suffering from mental illness and being a parent, I ask that Shelly find it in her heart to give the twins back to Amy and Scott. Shelly, you have to know that what you are doing is hurting everyone in the long run.