Tis the Season...

To wish all of you a very Happy Christmas or holiday season, depending upon what you celebrate.

It is also the season in which my depression tends to hit and hard. This year it has hit, but thankfully not hard. This is part of the reason I haven't updated in so long. Another reason is that I made most of my Christmas gifts and some for my mom to give her friends. Mr. Magoo also wanted to have a green Christmas, so I sewed a bunch of gift bags...only for him to have forgotten that he even wanted one to begin with.

Generally things are going well. I'm still going to the gym and trying to eat right, although I've let that slide a bit. I think everyone does during the holidays. I'm enjoying it at the gym. I find it is nice to have that time away from "life", to just be alone and focused.

I'm also doing physio on my left knee, so we'll see how that works out. The location is nice and close and it turns out I know the women who is working with me. I like that it looks at exercise, message and other methods. The focus will be on streching and strengthing. It will also look at ways to do things comfortably so it doesn't bother my knee.

As usually I took on too much. I guess this is what I do. Part of the cycle when I am feeling well I take on the world, only to find myself slowly falling backwards. I need to find my rythm, a perfect pace (if there is such a thing). I enjoy doing my ROE and I sort of enjoy working lunch; although, certainly not as much as I used to. I'm almost done my course; however, what I have left will take up a lot of extra time. I will also be teaching again in the new year. I think three classes in the evening. Add to that the three teachers' convention and the prep work and I wow before I know it time is gone.

Winter is the worst for time, or lack of. The early setting sun makes the day seem that much shorter. While my SADS lamp helps, it is still hard to stay on track and maintain my energy. I can really tell when I've missed a short afternoon nap. Then the change in weather always impacts my pain level.

Lately, I've been getting these really strange headaches, right above my right eye. It feels like someone is stabing me, or like my brain is trying to pop out. It is similar to a migraine and yet somehoe different. I've also be getting my silly chest pains on and off. Plus, I've gone knub twice already this month. The one time I droped a bowl, suddenly I had no feeling of holding it. I know that I should go and get it checked out, but I never seem to get any answer. No one can seem to decide or agree on anything (Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Myofascial Pain Syndrome...) all they can agree on is that I suffer from some type of autoimmune condition. Better than nothing I suppose. I just find it adds so much pressure. I often feel like a burden, or freaking in some way. In my mind I always questioning whether people believe me. I want to get past it and not let it take over my life, yet I do too much to prove to people that I can. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I don't want it to slow me down. Where does this cycle end, and how do I get off?