A Glimmer

As summer's end draws near, I already miss having my boys at home and dread the hectic schedule that comes with school and all the other activities. Yet, in some strange way I also can't wait for the moment to come. For me it will be like a new beginning. The start to a year where I hope to live in the now, where I hope to appreciate all that is around me in the moment, where I take control of what life brings me, ask for the things that I need (however silently). I am amazed at home much one can gain from the wealth of knowledgeable books out there. I'm reading a few at the moment and listening to others while I walk. Books on tape have proven to bring me great companionship on my walks.

I have also been very loyally doing the WII Fit activities. Who would have thought that one little machine could have such an impact, on the body and mind. I suppose that all muscles do work together and that the body and mind are in so many ways connected. The exercises have helped to make me more aware of my balance, my stance and my muscles. I've also found that I've been sleeping better and waking up at a normal hour, excited to start my day off with the body test. Will this continue to be, that I can't know. All I can focus on it what it gives me in the moment.

I went for an assessment today at a pain clinic. It was an odd experience. I look at how much I put on this big happy face and try to push my way through whatever life throws at me, and I wonder why. Is it the sense of accomplishment? Is it the sense of pride? To that I am still seeking the answer. I liked how comfortable I felt at this clinic, not only did they listen to my, as always happy words, they also watched my body and really listened to the language. I walked away truly excited about starting the eight week program. I will do my best to blog about it and the end of every day. I will keep you posted on the exercises, the therapy and the group sessions. Today, I left with a few exercises to use until the program starts.

At the assessment, I had the pleasure of meeting a truly interesting psychologist (at least I think he was; he could have been a PDOC). He seemed to be very open to thoughts and ideas; he's a believer in looking beyond the label and seeing the person not for their past actions, but for their current ones. In fact, he made me feel more me, no more free, free from my illnesses. Free in the sense that they no longer seem to running my every thought. I am starting to block out the voices within, look beyond. I see hope where before things seemed so empty and alone. I don't believe that a day will come in which I will ever stop having to be aware of my thoughts and actions, this is such a huge part of me. I'm not even sure that I want to get to that point. I think that I am able to analyze things in ways others can't, see things from 360 degrees at all times. What I am slowly learning to do is to filter that and see or hear only that which I need to, that which applies to the moment.