Where do I even begin? I took the day Thursday to sort of laugh the report off. I mean whatever right. Plus, I was kept myself busy. Friday, it started to hit me more and more as the day go on…the words I mean. It was terrible…full of lies. Although I tried to keep myself busy, my mind wouldn’t stop wondering back to the report. I shared it with Hubby. He was outraged. Not aware of what goes on behind the doors, or what I say he wondered what was said to make her think such things. Great, he thought this was my fault. I started trying to replay most of the conversations and think about my answers on the forms…the only conclusion she put my “profile” and added her own interpretations without even listening to my words.
I also told my Kindred Spirit about the report. She too was shocked. Then my mother. Well, talk about angry. She couldn’t believe what I told her was in the report.
I cannot deny something that has never happened. It is a statement…
- I was NOT abused as a child.
- I have NEVER physical abused my children. Nor would I ever. I would sooner hurt myself.
- My illnesses have not affected any friendships. I’ve kept them well hidden outside the home.
- I was never anorexic.
- I was NOT the class clown.
- I will NOT say or do anything to get my way. While I may try to say a few selfish or manipulative things it never goes any further. I would never do anything.
- I do NOT continue to have frequent angry outbursts. My last one was in October and that had been the first one in years.
- I was only terminated ONCE from work due to personal differences with colleagues. The other times I was either working contract or left because I was bored. Most employers have asked me to stay on and maintained some sort of relationship with me.
- Any verbal/emotional abuse was minimal and is no longer present.
- The behaviour that I am concerned will impact my children is the sleeping, the missing out on activities, the crying, the bickering with their father. I am a worrier that’s what I do. I also tend to spoil them somewhat. I also worry that my worrying causes them to worry. I am concerned that they to will become perfectionists and their worst self-critiques. Nothing more!!!
- Hubby has not noticed my weird nightly muscle spasms since 1995, it has only been since about September.
- I don’t want to gain weight because it is unhealthy, not because I have an eating disorder.
- We did not travel frequently to Australia and England when I was a child, only South Africa.
- I have NEVER had any periods with increased spending or irregularly high libido. Nor have I had periods of needing reduced amounts of sleep.
- I think it might be important to include the date rape when I was 14.
- She got the ages wrong for drinking and left out the smoking.
- My educational section was not complete.
I think the biggest part was that she seems to think I am still the person I was years ago. I have worked so hard to no longer be that person. It really bothered me. I also disliked how many times she used the words child abuse or denies any physical abuse. I am not that person. I have never been that person. I will never be that person. My Hubby and Mom are both writing her notes expressing their disappointment in what was written about me.
Now I know why people don’t want to go see them. This weekend I have been so depressed. I mean I think it was sliding a bit since Hubby’s been away. I’ve been eating less and sleeping more, but then in then I have also been dealing with the flu, the stomach flu and the odd numbness. I often wonder how other people would fair if they were analyzed in such a short time frame.