Depression and Bipolar Support Group Week Four

Week Three in Review
I challenged each of you to do a few assignments. I will now share my answers with you. While I touched a bit on each one of them in the post, I didn’t want to put too much information ahead of time for fear of influencing yours.

Forgiveness
Forgiveness is interesting. I am not one to hold a grudge. I think this is in part to do with the splitting. When you are good, you’re good…but when you’re bad you’re bad. I hold onto things. I use them in the moment. Other things I completely forget.

I think that I am hardest on myself. Like I have failed myself in some way. Or like I have failed my family. This is what I need to let go of and learn to forgive. I am doing the best that I can with the resources that I have available to me.

Thought Patterns
I tend to do a lot of the all-or-nothing thinking, the overgeneralization, the jumping to conclusions, the magnification, emotional reasoning and should statements. In the past I did a lot of mental filtering.

I try my best to do a lot of self-talk and reframing. It is a continual growth process. I have to stop my thoughts mid-process and ask if they are positive or negative. Look at what the effect of them will be and possibly the consequence if I say it out loud or act on it.

Self-defeating Beliefs
I think that my biggest self-defeating belief is the fear of disapproval or criticism and then closely behind is performance perfectionism. I also have perceived Perfectionism, fear of rejection, fear of being alone and fear of failure.

Again it is self-talk. For these it is not so much about looking at positive versus negative, it is more about rational or irrational. Looking at things from another angle. Trying to see every possible outcome.

Week Four Begins
Last night was the fourth of an eight week support group that I am facilitating. As you know, I thought it might be fun to get my fellow bloggers involved. After each support group I will post the information that I shared with the group online for all of you to read. Your tasks will be in bold. If you don't want to leave comments, I encourage you to start a notebook of points. This way to can follow along. (Of course what you see will be the abbreviate version.)

The focus of tonight's group was how your illness impacts you at home and at work. Your relationships with others. Interaction is part of human nature. It is unavoidable. The unfortunate reality is that depression puts a lot of strain on relationships, often leading to troubled or tense relationships.

Most of this week will be a series of questions. Questions asking you to reflect on the past and present. When answering the questions, you are not looking to blame. You are not looking for negatives, you are looking for possible patterns and areas for improvement.

A closer look at family

• How many kids were in your family growing up?
• Are you close to any of your siblings? Why/why not?
• Are you close to your parents? Why/why not?
• How was your mental illness treated in the family? How were you treated?
• How does this make you feel?
• What, if anything, would you like to change?

• Are you single, divorced, married?
• If you are single, why?
• If you are divorced, what happened?
• If you are married, how long has it been? What are your biggest challenged as a couple? What are your greatest shared success as a couple?

• Do you have kids?
• How many? How old are they?
• What do your kids know about your mental illness? How do they deal with it?

When looking at your family and their reaction to your illness, reflect on how this impacts your own perceptions. How does it make you feel?

Describe any negative effects your depression have had on your family, and ways in which they may not have been supported.

Describe positive aspects of your relationship with your family and ways in which they have been supportive of you during your depression.

If you were to have a meeting with your family, who would be there? What what you like to discuss?

A closer look at friends

• What type of people do you relate best with?
• What type of people annoy you or scare you? How do you deal with them?
• Would you say that you have a lot of friends, a few close friends, no friends at all only acquaintances?
• What type of energy do your friends have? How do you feel when you are around them?
• What do they know about your illness?

When looking at your friends, ask yourself if you can be yourself around them. Think about their perceptions and actions, how do they make you feel?

A closer look at work

• Are you working? Full time? Part Time?
• Do you enjoy your job? Why/why not?
• What does your employer know about your illness?
• Do any of your coworkers know about your illness? Why/Why not?

• Not at all?
• Is this by personal choice or based on a medical recommendation?
• What gets you out of the house? How often?

We also touched on the importance of a strong care team. Often mental health patience need to fight a bit louder, longer and harder to be heard and taken seriously. You want to make sure that you have a good psychiatrist and GP. You also want to know that they are willing to work together.

Tonight’s Recommended Reading

• Words the Heal the Blues
• Working in the Dark
• Ten Days to Self-Esteem
• The Depression Workbook: A guide for living with depression and manic depression

If you are reading this or participating in the support group, it means that you understand the value of reducing the stigma of mental illness. If you haven’t already done so, please leave a comment to help me reach my goal of 100 comments. Together we can Spread the Word One Hit at a Time.