Thursday, March 21, 2013

Snow, snow, go away snow

White, everything I see is white. While it is better than mushy brown, it is still just white. Even our Alberta sun has been hiding. This change in weather isn't ant good for me physically or mentally. I have been trying to keep busy. Keep my mind from being alone and finding its dark corners.

I look around everyday for all that I am blessed to have in my life. I hide my physical pain behind my smile and enjoy my day. Otherwise what is the point. I rely on my afternoon nap; I require the help of my family at home, but together we make it work.

We sold our bearded dragon, Quizzy. I think it was hardest on me. I bonded with him the most. I just felt bad for him. I didn't have the time to play with him as much as he deserved. I was no longer able to let him walk freely around my craft room. There was too much he could get into and even worse, no vent cover. I've spent time locked in my mind. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be trapped in a cage.

My writing has taken a bit of a back burner. I really need to get on mailing it out to more places. I suppose I still take the rejection letters personally, more than I should. I have been thinking about getting an agent or even to start by self-publishing. However, I am not at that point yet. I know the novel is good enough to be picked up by a publisher. I truly believe that it will be. It only takes one yes to break into the market.

I have slowly been doing notes and writing small sections of my next novel. I haven't actually been focused enough to sit and plan it out in better detail. To actually start a good writing session.

My focus has been on my childproofing company. Things are coming together. I just need to believe that it will take off. I need to look at it as selling the company and not myself. I have the skills to market the company, so I just need to do it. I am also more than qualified to do the job.
I've got my business cards, my website, my insurance, my business licence. As of April 1st I will be as official as it gets.

The boys are doing well. We've all be very kindly sharing our germs with each other. Magoo has had the least of it. Even poor Hubby has had it badly this year. Doodles has his annual croupy cough. His team hockey team placed second at provincials. It was so wonderful that he had such a great team this year. For high school next year we've let him take hockey as one of his options. He was so excited. Magoo should be starting his rugby soon. It will be great to see him more active. I swear in the winter he hibernates.

As for me, white. Everywhere I look is white.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

A week already - who knows what I've been up to

I almost didn't write today. I didn't actually realize that it was Thursday already. I guess that I should really look at my daytimer.

I'm not much further ahead with my physical health; I have a few pending appointments to go to next week. The week after that I see my Dr. and my PDr. The good news is that my PDr. certainly supports me going on disability. I hope that will take some of the financial stress off of things. In the mean time, I am putting stuff on Kijiji. Not all of it is easy to get rid of, but sacrifices do need to me made. A portion of the debt is from my failed tea company.

On the company note - my childproofing company is coming along really nicely. I am almost done my training. I have everything I need for my upcoming tradeshow in April, my website is done, and my business cards are printed. I am waiting for some promotional material to come in the main, and I am putting together a small postcard with information to put at my booth and a small poster to put up in places around town. I am also going to be going around to local businesses and asking if I can leave some of my cards.

I had hoped to do it this week, but I figured I should keep my germs to myself. I seem to be getting one thing after another.

Doodles' hockey team made it into the provincials. I am not there with them, Hubby is, but I hope they do well. I will enjoy my weekend with Magoo. I also hope to print and mail off my novel to the last of the selected publishers. The next one will be a yes, I can feel it.

I've been having a interesting time with my friends. By interesting I mean it is stupid how information can get so mixed up. Lack of communication creates a lot of barriers. Thankful everything worked out. I am a terrible liar, even if I wanted to the other person would know it. It is because of that and also out of honesty that I believe that if I talk about someone "behind their back", it won't be about anything I haven't already said to them or would be afraid to say to them. As a rule, it is just better not to talk about others at all. The problem is that we live within a friendship group and sometimes the most innocent comment is taken the wrong way. It is about tone of voice and sometimes as simple as a change in one word.

ie. I can't help her anymore. I don't know what else I can do.
I won't help her anymore. I don't know what else I can do.

word and tone of voice play into both of those. Plus, you add the context in which it were taken. Add to that who you said it and who was around to hear it and the problems grow. Open and honest communication.

To give you an example of my ability to lie, I decided to keep Magoo home form school with me today and tomorrow. I figured it would be our usual annual teachers' convention weekend, since I didn't go to any this year. Plus, Doodles would be out of school and had we gone too, Magoo might have missed school too.

Anyway, Hubby doesn't like me keeping the boys home from school. So this morning I offered to drive Magoo to school, knowing full well that he wasn't going. He got ready, put his backpack on and got into the car. I drove to Staples, got what I need and then went to SB. I left him at SB while I went back home to drive Hubby and Doodles to catch the bus. After I returned to get Magoo from SB. Hubby was none the wiser. Of course Doodles had figured it out.

So, when Hubby called to say they arrived, I told him that Magoo had stayed home with me and not gone to school. Guilty conscience, perhaps...but think about how many "little white lies" are said in a day. Me, I can't even keep those. If I do try my tone of voice or my facial expressions give me away.

On that note, it is time for me to say good night. Enjoy your weekend.

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Is it life or stress?

I can't believe how busy I allow myself to get. I can never just start one project at a time. It has to be multiples. Part of the reason is so that I have accuses to succeed at any one of them. I also want so desperately to find the one company people will like and could actually be profitable.

My crafting wasn't was fun when I decided to do it as a business, so of course I haven't been working as hard on it. I need to research craftshows and stuff. I also need to take photos for the website. Once that it done I need to decide if I want to create an online store front. It is such a competitive market.

I am done my writing website as well. I want to get out there as an author, but don't believe the current book that I have on the market is strong enough. Not that it isn't good, just that I wrote it almost 20 years ago when I was 16. I have gotten a few rejections on my other book and am still waiting to hear from others. I also have a number more to mail it off to. I am starting to think about finding an editor.

The big question my PDr. asked me to consider was why I do these two projects. What do I want out of it? Do I want people to like them and in turn I take it to mean they like me? Do I do it because I want to prove that I have accomplished something and am thus not a failure? Do I do it because I enjoy it and it would be nice to see it completed and maybe recoup some of the cost?

I honestly don't know. I would like to believe it is the last one, but I'm not sure. I do take the rejection very personally and not simply the item they aren't purchasing.

I am very excited about getting my Childproofing company up and running. I am looking into business insurance and registering the company name. This is the first company I have ever written a business plan for. I'm upgrading all my health and safety courses and am looking into possible certifications down the road. I think it has to be two years from the time the company started.

I won't even get into my Dr. I have no idea what is going on there, but lets just say she was mentally not in the room with me and I still have a long road ahead.

I've had a few hiccups with a my Kindred Spirit along the way. I didn't stop to think how strange it must be that I seemed to just disappear from her life. I want from seeing her and calling her all the time to nothing. I guess that in my mind I was working full time and it just made sense not to socialize. However, I could still have touched break on lunch hour or in the evenings. My days and evenings were so full of trying to get four companies (also that I lost touch with everything around me. Working became my new addiction. I was so glad she called me on it. It helped me to refocus. Family and friends are always top priority!